October 27, 2003

Mixed Bag

Sometimes the acclaim comes in measured proportion to the difficulties. I have received two wonderful queries this weekend and have apparently been blown off yet again by a beautiful young lady. I am apparently a breeding ground for the cooties. Yan very nicely asked me for more details on my posts related to being a single parent, etc. & a fellow, who is not exactly an anarchist, has tracked me down on the phone to tell me how much he likes my writing and wants to tell his friends about me & my work. He just wanted to make sure I am not affiliated with the government.

All of this happens at the same time I am feeling very tender about what the hell I am doing here & feeling very out of sorts at my apparent inability to make any romantic connections. I realize it is tough to deal with me as I am extremely complex, not too smart, & yet so handsome (smirk) but damn how hard does it have to be to meet people. A few weeks ago I thought I met someone very sweet who, although I didn't anticipate would want to go out with me, treated me well and who expressed a desire to get along. All I wanted of her was perhaps a dance partner as I'd love to get back to dancing have a strong desire to take dancing classes with someone who would enjoy it as much as I. But she blew me off. (Can you tell I'm feeling quite put out right now?) And now I have been blown off again I fear.

One thing I realized is I can only do what I do. When I am in my element I come across as strong & confident. This is something I can cultivate. I had this feeling today as I was driving in that I am supposed to move onto the next stage of my life now. But what does that mean? What does that mean?

In any event I'll be responding to Yan with a more formal answer to her question this evening.

Posted by filchyboy at October 27, 2003 09:50 AM | TrackBack



Everytime someone blows you off, just think, "Okay. She could have been a real psycho."

I was just thinking how people can really turn out to be unpredicatble and scary. Like this guy in New York. He seemed the perfect example of nice and cool. From Misourri Suburbs, moved to they city three years before. Works for IBM. (Came across the most sane and "Normal" people I hung with). And I was thinking.. wow what a nice guy... sweet.. Sorta man I would like to date.

I met him again, he dragged himself to Burning Man with me, (Forced more like, one day I will write about it, I am still too shell shock to do so) would not leave me alone, and turned out rude, insecure, isolating me from my friends and kinda abusive in a real subtle way, was part of the reason I had the most incredibly bad time. I flew half way around the world to attend too.

He seemed one of those ultra cool people. I would be sad if he had blown me off. He seems like a "nice guy" (He often refered to himself as such). He turned out to be the worse person I had any assosiation with for a long time. And it was less than a week! And it really occurred to me tha some of the wildest loudest people you think are bad news aren't, coz you know where they are at, at all times. It's the quiet sweet ones that could really turn nasty because it's all so subtlem and you don't know it until sucked you in!

I don't know why I ranted on like that. I guess I have been working on this BM post (again) and still can't write about it. Things come out in strange ways.


Posted by: yan at October 27, 2003 04:40 PM

Hey, she's out there, okay? the time and circumstances aren't right, that's all. Don't moan about green fruit - the ripe one will fall into your hands. Stay open to possibility and be detached from outcome - only concentrate on the fun of the chase, on doing that right, enjoying the process of shopping.

It will happen. The odds are firmly in in your favor.

Posted by: Rayne at October 27, 2003 05:35 PM


I still haven't heard from you how to ping radioland. Did I delete and email accidently thinking it was spam? It happens a lot when I have an unfamiliar email.


Posted by: yan at October 31, 2003 11:01 PM

Yes I am a bad host. I will try and get this attened to quickly. I can only beg your forgiveness.

Posted by: filchyboy at November 2, 2003 03:13 PM

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