June 26, 2003

SCOTUS Turns Nation Inside Out, Felching at 11

(UPI) June 26, San Antonio, Texas: In response to today's Supreme Court ruling declaring Texas' sodomy law unconstitutional, millions of American men burst forth from their homes into the nearest park, playground or public restroom and began legally buttfucking each other.

"I never did this before because it was illegal," panted 38-year-old IT specialist Drew Morecock between thrusts from a 49-year-old hirsute truck driver. "Here in Texas, we respect the law. I never even jacked off about a man until today. But once the Supreme Court—uuuungh—struck down our state's sodomy law, I didn't waste any time at all! UUUUNGH."

Percy Dovetonsils, a Baptist minister, said as he came up for air after deep-throating 27 men at a San Antonio gym, "If Scalia, Thomas and Rehnquist had gathered just two more votes, I certainly wouldn't have to have my stomach pumped like Rod Stewart. But since the Supreme Court has said yes to sodomy, how could I say no? Hey, you, traffic cop. Come here and plow my ass with your big black nightstick!"

Orlando Domingo, a 27-year-old hair stylist who no one ever suspect had gay urges, agreed. "While the sodomy law was in effect, it prevented me from even considering leaving my wife and two children for a splooge-soaked life at the local drag bar. But as soon as I get the plumber across the street to 'snake out my drainpipe,' if you know what I mean, I'm gonna slip my size-12 feet into the sweetest set of ruby red pumps you ever seen in your life. I'm just a bottle of peroxide away from turning into Jean Harlow! You know, I like the name 'Jean Harlot' even better."

Now that homosexuals will be free to engage in sweaty, spermy man-on-man sex in states where the law completely prevented it all these years, many other cultural changes are expected to develop. Auto repair employees will soon begin greeting each other with, "Oh, Mary!" Football players will continue to slap each other on their firm, round asses, but will follow that old ritual with deep kissing and armpit licking. Unisex toilets will become mandatory, where unsuspecting insurance salesmen will be forced into accepting the tongues of other men inside their virgin assholes until they beg, even plead, for hot, hungry cock. More cows will die to keep up with the surging demand in leather.

Of course the ruling also legalizes sex between women, but that's OK because it will be hot.

Posted by filchyboy at June 26, 2003 12:00 AM | TrackBack

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