Bush Says Attacks Are A Sign of Progress

In other news, Bush gets glasses after gouging his eyes out with a hot poker. Experts predict this turn of events will be used by the liberal media to deny any progress in pacifying Iraq.

When asked if gouging his eyes out with a hot poker was a stupid thing to do the President responded, "I know how certain negative-izers or filters in the media would have you believe that, but it is actually a sign of progress in my quest for better eyesight."

Aides have assured this reporter that this incident will not effect the President's ability to carry out the business of the people. He does not read, as he has objective advisors to give him a fair and balanced view of events, so the loss of the President's eyes should not be a big loss to the Republic. Three time Nobel Laureate Bono will be working directly with George and Lara to find the President the perfect pair of wrap around "rock-star" sunglasses to cover over his empty sockets for state visits and press conferences aircraft carrier landings media events [ed. link to Arnold].

Posted by filchyboy at October 27, 2003 11:38 PM | TrackBack