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Saturday, May 10, 2003
When I heard that Bennett was giving up gambling, I had two reactions. The first was uncharitable: What a fucking pussy! American adulterers, pot smokers, and homos put up with a lot more punishment from the likes of Bill Bennett than Bennett himself suffered last weekend. And have we tossed away our bongs, boyfriends, and babes on the side? NO! And why not? Because we're not a bunch of motherfucking pussies - unlike Bill Bennett, who can dish it out but can't take it.

Bonus Link: Sodomy Tour 2003: Four Days, Four States, Four Infamous Crimes Against Nature

5/10/03:2:57:10 PM PST    comment

When you call and I pick up the phone if you make that little gasp and ask me "How do I put on a condom?" I'm not likely to be nice to you. I realize you just want to get off. I know it may be confusing because yes, while I do know an awful lot about condoms, I really don't want to walk you through your orgasm. Yes, yes, it's true I have a sexy voice. And even though you've never seen me I can assure you I am a hottie. In fact I have talked many of my friends and lovers through their orgasms but hey, I'm working here. I am not your own personal phone sex representative. I know, I know the customer comes first but you see I won't be coming after you. Nope. Not gonna happen.

I know you hear it in my voice after you announce your need for lessons. I know that you think you are doing something dangerous, daring, and completely in line with your own kink but I'm bored by the whole script. I know when you are going to cum. I hear it all. You are so concentrated on your cock and that stroke you got going on that you think I am clueless about the whole deal. I know the script little man and I assure you you are not pulling a fast one on me. The fast one is you. (I know from the gasp you make as I pick up the receiver exactly how many seconds it would take you to get off if I tried) I'll string you along as far as needed to get you real close, all the time pretending I don't know what is going on, and then when you are about to let loose with your love juice I'll hang up on your ass.

Call a phone sex line little man and pay for it. That's the new rule. It's the new rule same as the old rule. Now, can I get back to work. Thanks!

5/10/03:11:44:37 AM PST    comment

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